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See, the stone I have set in front of Joshua!
There are seven eyes on that one stone, and I will engrave an inscription on it,’
says the Lord Almighty, ‘and I will remove the sin of this land in a single day.
-Zec 3:9 NIV-
The sin of this land have been removed in a single day as you promised when Jesus died and rose again.
Why this so much fear and stress? To die of thinking I’ve not done enough for the people I loved and the things I’ve dreamed of are those I fear the most.
The impact of the death of my grandpa.
He died of having dreams undone and people not loved enough. He wants to go back to his China hometown with his brother, cycling around the places they used to. He wants to go outside of the hospital to eat kolo mee with me. He might want to say sorry to someone too, like my mummy who used to suffered during her childhood; or the inability to give equally for his inheritance to his children, especially Auntie Jane & Auntie Maria. And perhaps, more. More, I’ve not known.
People whom I’m loving and the dreams I’m dreaming kept me alive till today. Yet, in another way round, I’m fearful to die without doing enough of these.
Daa, can you ever know when is enough for you to die? Never. You can never love enough and you can never dream enough. But you can never stop loving and stop dreaming too. You know, you can love and dream into eternity.
How?
By faith. Remember the love Jesus gave you? The love that’s enough to chase all your fears away. Remember what Jesus did on that day had remove all your sins in a single day. That’s why you can love and dream forever. Because you live forever.
😃
Fog, 25°C
Therefore tell the people: This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Return to me,’ declares the Lord Almighty, ‘and I will return to you,’ says the Lord Almighty.
Do not be like your ancestors, to whom the earlier prophets proclaimed: This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘Turn from your evil ways and your evil practices.’ But they would not listen or pay attention to me, declares the Lord .
Where are your ancestors now? And the prophets, do they live forever? But did not my words and my decrees, which I commanded my servants the prophets, overtake your ancestors?
“Then they repented and said, ‘The Lord Almighty has done to us what our ways and practices deserve, just as he determined to do.’ ”
-Zec 1:3-6-
I do not know much about my ancestors, I’m only know one generation from my father’s side, and two generations from my mummy’s side.
My father, is someone who hardened his heart, choose to stay at the evil ways of life. Used to thought he could repent, but every time is a lie for him to get his way.
My mummy, is someone sees eternity and hold tightly to you. As if she could not lose her sight at you, everyday. She prays, she repents, she humbles herself, she submits to whatever your will is. Even many trials she had in life, she never stop trusting you.
Lord, whom you’ve told me to follow? Follow you as my mummy following. Lord, the moment I woke up, you told me to do something matters to my soul. And now I understand, you are calling me to return to you, so you shall return to me too.
Lord, you know my heart, I’ve been desiring and wanting to soar for you everyday, but most of the days I ended with disappointment without doing so as I was so tide up to daily busy routine that exhausted all my strength. And this morning, you no longer only give me the desire to soar to you, but remind me to act on what I’ve been desired.
Thank you Lord, my soul restored in your presence, my heart refreshed in your love, my soul delighted in your Word of Life.
沙巴心宣程
感谢天父让我有机会与新山生命教会的谢传道和一群弟兄姐妹，并全人关怀的同工Jowee一同到沙巴，Pitas短宣。虽然这不是我第一次参加短宣，但战兢的心情仍然像是第一次。
除了两个我们所认领的学前教育中心村庄，当地同工也带我们去了几个其他的村庄。像我们之前听到从全人关怀的同工所分享的，政府的确策略性地建立了Tabika Kemas以教育回教化当地的孩子。听着母亲们分享她们对孩子们的教育与信仰的担忧时，我的心也不住忧虑起来。不止这，在越来越多的村民信主的情况下，教会也面对需要扩建而资金不足的困难。先锋开拓事工的原住民同工们一样面对人力与材料的短缺状况。然而在与这群原住民弟兄姐妹一同敬拜，祷告，与服事时，发现他们的属灵生命却比我富足。
他们的敬拜，是深深的敬拜；
他们的祷告，是触摸天国的祷告；
他们的服事，是用尽他们所有爱的服事。
他们在困境与物资不足中，并没有让他们怀疑父神对他们的看顾与供应；反之，每次神的供应印证他们把信心放对了位置。我的心大大地被他们的信心鼓励与激励。甚愿我与生命教会的弟兄姐妹能成为神回应他们祷告祈求的答案，一同回应东马的呼声。阿门。
May the Lord make us an answered prayer of their prayer.
Ashes
His pictures
-those I used to cherished were thrown into fire, and burned into ashes.
In my heart, I said to myself,
“Finally, it’s over.
Everything about him have turned into ashes.”
And I pray to my good God,
“I’m trading these ashes in for beauty.
Here I’m ending my mourning.
Here I’m handing over these ashes to my good God.
Here I trust my God.
Here I’m ready to get out of the dark, torment, painful memories drama room.
I’m taking Your hand Lord,
and willing to leave this place,
forever.”
Justice
I’ve seen justice in the real court.
2 guilty persons charged in the court, with 2 different responses.
One is my mummy, another one is my dad.
My mummy pleads herself a guilty of hitting my dad, while me and my little sis were strongly disagreed at the moment. (We thought it’s dad the one caused for it!)
My dad defended himself of hitting my twelve years old brother and pushed all the blames to four of us involved in the incident.
Mummy got her fine for RM500.
Dad got his fine for RM800.
Anyone wins? No.
Was there’s justice? Yes.
I was to imagine how a Heavenly Court will be with God sitting at the throne.
It is for me to be more humble than I could before a God who is holy.
Father who Loves…
It used to hurts me so much to hear that “God was there , even the time my father abused me physically and emotionally”. I told Eileen & Kheng Yeow about this and cried. Eileen explained to me that God is a gentleman, He is able to take all kinds of questions that are in our hearts. After that, she encouraged me to ask God about this.
So after the prayers of forgiving my parents and renouncing the bad vows that I’ve made, I asked God this question finally.
I saw a vision. I was on a sampan at a rushing river all the way. Then I saw a very huge building seemed to be blocking my way, I thought I will not get over it and was about to crash at it. But amazingly, it was actually a bridge on the river and I went through it. It was dark in the bridge, but after that I saw three rings of light. Then, God was kind of talking to me, “Your father born broken, you born broken, and my grace is glue. I was there when all these things happened, I was grieving. But now I’m bringing you a restoration in you. Though you couldn’t understand what reason these for, but you can trust me.”
One of the wonderful principle that shared by Eileen was “when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart”. This was a song I learned in Philippines and there was two times God gave me this song through 2 sisters (Dorcas and my beloved trainer, Karla). God, all this while have been always there to remind me of Your heart. Thank You for such a releasing, comforting and special moment. You’ve been here with me and I know this.
Thank You Father. You are far more amazing, good, wonderful, loving, thoughtful, patient Father I could ever imagined and wanted. Thank You for loving me so much with all these orchestrated arrangements through these months and even years (because I’ve heard about the Significant Women for at least 4 years). You loved me deeply indeed and there’s no way for me to deny! I love you my dear Heavenly Father! Thanks for being a good Father to me and make up to me I’ve longed for but not gained. Thank You so much and good night Father. I love You.
Love,
Daa
12/07/2014,00:58am
Thank You
Dear Ministry Partners and Friends,
On 22nd May 2014, I was informed that I will be released from this organization as a missionary by the 31st of May 2014. This decision was made according to the recommendation of psychiatrist and counselor to my organization leaders that I would need to be in a light duty position, while there is no available position for me.
Indeed, my heart sank. But I was ensured by the Lord that this is His will for me. So in spite of this disappointment, I choose to trust the Lord for this is the best plan He has for me.
I thank God for the faith He has in me, that He believe I’m able to do His will; I thank God for the faith He place in me, that enables me to continue this race with confidence.
I thank my organization leaders who have been praying and seeking God for my good in many decisions, from I was sicked until now I’m in the process of recovery.
I thank my family, ministry partners and friends who have been praying and concerning me, supporting financially in my darkest days. These are the secret moments that you have continuously brought love and power to me, helping me to get up to my feet. You too have bless me the ability to believe in myself that I could make it through.
“Thank You” is the title of this chapter of my life, God and you have taught me to be grateful and joyful even in the most painful period of the life.
In the coming days, I will still need prayers and financial support. For I will be raising RM13,000 for the hospitalization expenses in Philippines to be returned to Malaysia Campus Crusade, as it have paid for me in advance. Please let me know if you are willing to take part of my last fund raising as a missionary at 2014. The deadline of this fund raising will be at 31st of July 2014.
At the same time, I will be looking for a job in Johor Bahru and Singapore. Please pray for me that I will have discernment of the opened doors and closed doors God has for me, thank you!
Once again, thank you with a deep bow.
My Prayed Received Christ Testimony
I am the eldest among 7 children. My father is a very short-tempered person. When I was growing up, he hits me with a belt, a towel, a rattan, or a spanner when he gets mad. One time, he pulled me off the bed in the middle of the night and made me mop the floor of the whole house. Because of these experiences, I grew up having low self-esteem and feeling unloved and not valued.
When I became a teenager, I didn’t want to be manipulated by my father anymore. So I started to talk back when he would scold me. But, the first time I did that, he slapped my face. Then I tried to run away from home but went back on the same day when I realized that I cannot live alone. The next day I fought with my father again but instead of running away from home, I just hid behind our house. I wanted to know if he would care for me enough to find me. But he did not. In fact, he started to beat and scold my siblings. I was very disappointed.
One day, my aunt visited me and shared about God’s love and forgiveness. She prayed for me that God will help me to forgive, love, and respect my father. At that time, I didn’t want to say “Amen” because I knew that to say “Amen” means to agree with her prayer. But to forgive, love, and respect my father was the last thing I would do for I was so angry with him. My aunt insisted that I say “Amen” so eventually, I said it with anger. She didn’t know that it caused me to shut myself off from God. I decided to not pray and trust Him anymore after that.
There’s a verse in the Bible that says “If we become unfaithful, God remains faithful for He cannot disown Himself.” Indeed, God did not let me go. One time, a friend invited me to go with her in a fellowship which she finds the program interesting. I went without knowing what was there. The first that I came, I felt the genuine care, love, and affirmation from the people especially from the youth coach. That kept me coming back for a year! During those times, someone shared to me about Jesus Christ twice, but I readily rejected. True enough, He remains faithful even when I’m not. On March 2004, the same message about Jesus Christ was shared to me again, and after realizing what He has done on the cross and how He showed love through the youth coach and people in the church, I opened my heart and accepted Him as my Savior and Lord.
I experienced changes in my life over the past nine years. Slowly, with God’s love through people, I began to see myself as someone special and valued by God. I started to experience Him as my heavenly Father. That gave me courage to share the same message that I heard to others. I have also learned to forgive my father. However, I am still in the process of putting the broken pieces of my heart together and learning to extend grace to him when he fails me and my family again and again. God’s love alone causes me to love my father more.
I’m Recovering!
Video Posted on Updated on
Hi dearest ministry partners! Thanks for praying and financially supporting me!
You know, I went to doctor yesterday and he said I’m recovering speedy, medicine has been reduced! He also encouraged me to continue have positive mind! If weren’t God and your big heart in prayers and financial supports according to God’s promptings, I would not still having sufficient financial and prayer support today. A BIG THANK YOU to God and you!
Now I’m still resting at home, these days have helped me to know my family better and our bonding getting stronger as the days passed. Love, affection and kindness is what I learned deeper in this period with my family. Maybe I’m just repositioned by God as missionary in my family! (P/s: Please read my personal prayed received Christ testimony after this post, then you’ll know my family background).
I praise God for the sermon “From Worry to Worship: Walk in Faith” by Pastor Peter Tan Chi yesterday, it taught me how crucial are emotions and how they could affect me. Praise God the Bible taught me how to walk in faith and worship Him in these resting days. Share with you! May it bless you too!
Prayer Requests:
-God bless my mental health continue to reach full recovery so I could serve in the field soon! (My doctor’s name: Benjamin Chan)
-God bless my family through my presence at home.
-God bless my church through my presence too.
-God bless you continue to walk in faith in this worries world and worship Him.
Thanks for praying with me! Deeply appreciate!
She Said Thank You!
16 Feb 2014 supposed to be an ordinary day, but that wasn’t God intended.
I woke up with an excitement reading Facebook message from Michelle (the girl in the picture below), telling me she has believed in Jesus after my Gospel sharing to her 2 years ago!
“Thank you Mathilda. You told me before if one day I accepted Jesus as my savior, let you know about it.
Actually God has always been there for me, but my faith was weak, I did not surrender to God, I denied Him even when He came to me. But He never give me up. He keeps coming to me, and when I open my heart, finally I could understand Him and experience Him.
Everything is miracle. Things seem impossible are made possible with God. When I allow the Holy Spirit to come to me, again I read the bible, I perceive it in different way, God words seem to be so relevant now. A good news here, I am getting baptized next week.”
Praise the Lord for what He has done while we all have privilege to be in this!
My dear ministry partners,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9-
Our work in the Lord is not in vain, no matter through prayers, services & financial! I’m so appreciate you have co-journey with me in the last one year! Although it seems hard to reap harvest in this postmodern society, but nothing is impossible with the Lord. So let’s keep doing good & share the light of the Gospel to many who awaiting salvation like Michelle 2 years ago!
Prayer for Michelle:
-Michelle is very passionate with God’s Word, let’s pray for her victorious Christian growth.
-Michelle is now studying in Osaka University, Japan. She is taking BioChemistry in the Malaria research field for 4 years. Let’s pray for her to be the salt and light as excellent & faithful Christian in her field.
All glory & praise be to God!
One Lifetime to Live 